You’re probably thinking…live alone, no way…stay single, definitely not! Let me explain.
It’s human nature to connect with other humans, to feel loved and share our interests and day with. Many of us want to connect with someone in this way. Growing up we have all had friends who were either chronically coupled up all the time, chronically single or somewhere in the middle.
Until 2012, I was one of those people who was “chronically coupled up”, as I call it, or constantly in a relationship. I met my first serious boyfriend in high school, after a few short flings, and we dated for a year until the summer after graduation. I met another guy that summer, which led me to leave my high school boyfriend for him. He followed me to Ottawa and we lived together during my first two years of university. Like my first relationship, this one eventually ended as well, after a long 3 1/2 years.
Having gone from my parent’s house to a shared house with friends and then to an apartment with my then-boyfriend, I had never been single or alone until I was 24 years old.
You might be thinking “24 is young!” but hear me out. The young adult years is about discovering who we are and I believe that spending a good portion of that time single and having your own place is the perfect way to do that.
METAMORPHOSIS – A.K.A. FINDING MYSELF
After freeing myself from that relationship, I found a small bachelor apartment and stayed there for the next three years. It wasn’t the perfect apartment (it was rundown and had cockroaches), but it was my own space to decorate how I wanted, spend my time how I wanted and think only of my own needs. I had gained some autonomy as a young woman and it was exciting.
Prior to this period in my life, I had the tendency to be a pushover and put my needs second. This changed completely when I was left to myself. I’m actually an introvert and enjoy having my own space away from socializing so that I can recharge and do the things I love. I learned how to be more assertive of my needs and “no” became my favourite word. I enjoyed my own company and became completely and unapologetically comfortable in my own skin. Lastly, I found my confidence.
RELATED: The Best Version of Yourself
Some of you might not be able to relate to my story. If for example, you found your lifelong partner in your early twenties or you were the girl who stayed single until she found someone worth her time, then you might not have the same experience I did going solo. But if you have always been jumping from one partner to the next and never spending any quality time single, then I recommend giving it a shot. I hope you will find yourself in that experience the same way I did.
REASONS TO LIVE ALONE AND STAY SINGLE (Temporarily)
Complete Control Over Household Purchases
Whereas before you had to compromise and probably split the cost, now your only purchasing for yourself. If you want it, and can afford to get it, then go for it girl! You will also love when products like toilet paper start lasting forever – why someone needs a whole roll a day nobody will know.
You Get the TV ALL THE TIME
The TV will never be occupied unless your watching it. So you can catch all your favourite shows without missing an episode or watch movies all day.
It is easier to make healthy choices
It is easier to be accountable to yourself about your bad habits without dating enablers. If you’re lucky your partner is a health nut who likes to cook at home but if your not their bad habits can easily rub off on you. Living alone and single you are accountable for your choices and it is easier to ignore outside influences.
You can be gross
Without grossing anyone out with too much information, this one is pretty self-explanatory. Most of us do things that gross other people out. Now you don’t have to worry about offending anyone!
Being Single Doesn’t Mean Being Lonely
Learning to be comfortable with your own company is a good thing to learn. Being too dependent on a person for your happiness can have negative effects on your overall wellbeing. Spending some time single and alone can break this cycle and teach you to be more independent and able to find happiness in other areas.
Focus on Friendships
This point is more about being single than living alone. This will give you more time to focus your energy on cultivating lasting friendships. As much as we wish, relationships can’t fill all our needs. That is why it is a good idea to have a few good friends who you can share other interests with.
Learn How to Rely on Yourself
With no one to help you unclog a drain or help you carry the groceries home, you will learn how to cope doing things by yourself but also learn new skills. A Google search and YouTube how-to videos are your best friend now.
Time to Learn What You Really Want in a Partner
Spending time alone after dating for a while allows you to reflect on what works and what didn’t. Also, your new found discovery of who you are, an independent and confident woman who knows what she wants, will help clarify how future partners will fit into your life plans.
I know there are probably some women who cringe at the idea and are thinking that there is no why they are going to live alone. I get it because I had friends who felt the same way you do.
There are so many benefits for women to live alone at some point in her life. After those wonderful three years, I did date a few men and found another long term relationship that didn’t last, but that is okay. I am currently single, living with three male roommates and look back on those three years of self-discovery as one of the best times of my young adult life.
Do you relate to this story? Did you live alone and spend a period of your 20s single and loving life? Share your story in the comments below.